


To Forgive and Forget

by jaeminsoul



Category: Shall We Date?: Obey Me!
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Trauma, belphie and mc need to talk, im not sure if this counts as ptsd, lesson 16 spoilers, lingering injuries
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-05
Updated: 2020-08-28
Packaged: 2021-03-04 20:46:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,420
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25082590
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jaeminsoul/pseuds/jaeminsoul
Summary: Forgiving is easy, forgetting is hard. MC and Belphie learn this the hard way.Alternate timeline where MC dies, but not quite, and has to deal with the aftermath of "that" incident. Belphie learns that actions have consequences that sometimes need more than an apology to fix.LESSON 16 SPOILER WARNING
Relationships: implied mammon/main character
Comments: 2
Kudos: 90





	1. one.

**Author's Note:**

> As you can probably tell, this is a continuation from where lesson 16 ended off. I didn't really like how there wasn't really any resolution given, so here's my take on it. It's not beta read and is my first actual work in a while so please be kind.

You noticed your new habit had developed after that incident with Belphie. It wasn’t noticeable at first since you were used to scratching your head from time to time and you yourself had deemed it as inconsequential. But as Asmo had pointed out, it was happening way too frequently.

You had been scratching at your neck at multiple points in the day and had never noticed. In class, during meals, while studying, even when you were hanging out with the brothers - you always found yourself scratching your neck, but not before someone pointed it out to you first. At first, you dismissed it as a bad habit that would eventually fade away, but it didn’t. In fact, the scratching got way worse whenever you were stressed or anxious. After noticing this strange habit, you decided to make a conscious effort to stop, to at least try to curb it. But it wasn’t the only thing that had changed in your behaviour after… that incident.

Anyone with eyes could tell that you were on edge when it came to interacting with Belphie. This was especially obvious to Beel, who noticed that your muscles would tense every time you and Belphie made physical contact, that you would stiffen whenever Belphie was near. Mammon, with his keen eye for looking out for his precious MC (because he was your first, as he always said), noticed how you never tried to make eye contact with Belphie, or how you would never look him in the eye if you ever spoke to each other, which was rare. It was Lucifer who noticed how loud crunching sounds would make your hand fly to your neck, just very briefly. As if feeling his gaze on you, you would put your hand down as soon as it came up. They all noticed the sudden peculiar change in your behaviour and could guess the cause of it, but none of them brought it up. Even Belphie had noticed and was definitely trying to patch things up with you, evident from the many times he tried to hang out with you alone, or even the many times he tried to talk to you. He could tell that the way you were acting was his fault and despite your forgiveness of his actions, he couldn’t help but feel that you were hiding more about how you felt than what you let on. 

Even you knew that you were distancing yourself from Belphie. Yes, you had forgiven him for what he had done to you, but being able to interact with him like you used to was hard. You had to keep yourself from flinching whenever he spoke to you or when he touched you, and you were trying so hard to at least look him in the eye, just once. Time and again you failed to do so, and you knew that everyone around you could tell you were struggling. That you were both struggling to fill in the gaps in their relationship. Satan and Asmo had tried to get you to talk about how you felt after that experience of dying, but each time you brushed it off with an “I’m fine” or “I don’t really feel like talking about it, all I need is time, I’ll be fine”. They knew you weren’t but never wanted to press on more in fear of triggering you. You knew you weren’t alright — you were far from it, in fact — and perhaps your new behaviour was the manifestation of your suppressed feeling that you had refused to share. Who could blame you? Dying that painfully was not fun.

It had been about 2 weeks since you had fully recovered (externally) from the ordeal. Having your ribs crushed and nearly having your throat snapped in half took a toll on your body and had taken over a week to recover, even with Simeon’s help. You wouldn’t forget how every breath you tried to take felt like your whole chest would cave in on you, how for the longest time ever, breathing was the most painful thing you could do. To remember how it felt like to breathe while collapsed in Mammon’s arms, feeling blood welling in your mouth; It was terrible. How you had managed to speak in that state still baffled you to date. How you had survived from that, however, was another experience altogether. That night, you had died in Mammon’s arm.

Belphie betraying you and trying to kill you was a stab to the heart, leaving behind a gaping hole. A hole that couldn’t easily be patched, a hole that was frayed and would get bigger if someone were to touch it gently. You had trusted him, yet he had reinforced how much of a trusting fool you were with his actions. Granted, you understood the rationale behind his actions — you were the first human he had seen in a long while, and his hatred for humans had been festering for thousands of years since Lilith’s death. It was no wonder that he would vent out his hate on you, but you had wished the human to receive the brunt of his hate hadn’t been you. It would have hurt a lot less if you hadn’t already begun to care for him, that you believed that you two were  _ friends _ . When he crushed your chest with the sheer strength of his tail, his hand having an iron grip on your throat, you couldn’t really feel anything except for the pain. At that moment, your senses felt heightened and you were aware of everything going on. Your heart rate, the breaking of your bones, the taste of blood as it rose up your throat, Belphie sneering at you… You clawed desperately at his hand that was blocking your airway, uselessly hoping that he would have mercy and loosen his grip.

You were no longer breathing by the time he dragged you down the stairs.

You were dead, you were sure of it. In the moments after your death, you awoke with panic and despair, yet you didn’t know where you were. You had always assumed you would go to hell or heaven in death, but you were nowhere. Everything around you was a blank slate, save for the woman standing before you, her gaze fixed on yours. She looked really familiar, and there was something about the look in her eye that reminded you of someone.

“You need to get back. They need you.” Was all she said and she bent down to help you up, her hand resting on your cheek to brush away the tears that were falling down your face. When had you started crying?

“Please find it in your heart to forgive him. There are so many things he doesn’t know, and there’s no way for me to tell him that now. Please.”

You opened your mouth to ask a question amidst your sobbing, but the mysterious woman stopped you. “I’ve been watching you, and… You’re more important to them than you realise. So please, give him the same chance that you’ve given the others.”

She leaned forward to kiss your forehead, the unspoken reply you had for her hung in the air as you squeezed your eyes shut.

_ I’ll try. _

The next thing you knew, you were in Mammon’s arms, struggling to breathe from your crushed ribs. Mammon — your first, the one who cared so much for you, the one who would drop everything for you — was crying. Seeing him cry because of you hurt you so much more than the pain you were experiencing from Belphie’s attempt at killing you.

“I’m still here,” you choked out in barely a whisper, trying to lift your hand up to touch Mammon’s face to bring him at least some comfort. All it does is make him sob harder as he held you closer, shielding you from Belphie’s rage.

“You’re supposed to be dead,” Belphie hissed, looking like he was ready to rip you out of Mammon’s arms to finish the job. Beel and Lucifer stood in his way, determined to not let him hurt you any further.

You grabbed onto Mammon’s jacket. “Lilith didn’t die. She lived her life as a human,” you said, each word taking a toll on your body. It hurt like hell.

“How did you—” Lucifer began but was interrupted by Belphie’s cry.

“Keep her name out of your mouth,  _ you filthy human _ !”

You sobbed as you struggled to get your next words out before you passed out. “No matter how far apart we may be, no matter how much time passes, even if someday you’re no longer yourself… I’ll never forget you. And I’ll always pray that you find happiness. Always.” You recited the words from memory, a dream long over, but still as fresh in your head as it could be.

The last thing you remembered before blacking out was Lucifer’s shocked expression and the sound of Lord Diavolo’s voice.


	2. two.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mammon is always there for you, and Belphie tries to apologise.

The next time you awoke was in your bed and you were vaguely aware of the bandages covering different parts of your body. Mammon was asleep seated on a chair by the side of the bed, his head resting beside you. You wanted to sit up but thought against it when you barely had any strength of your own to move your legs. You turned your head to the side, raising your hand to stroke Mammon’s hair. It was so soft, and he was sleeping so soundly. You lay like that for a while, content with the quiet and peaceful environment you were left in.

Mammon woke up shortly after, startling you as you moved your hand away from his hair. His eyes lit up at the sight of you wide awake, but a blush began to form on his face when he realised that you were watching him sleep.

“You’re awake! You’ve been asleep for days, I was wondering if you were ever going to wake up.” When you didn’t respond, he frantically added, “I was worried about ya, but don’t let that get to yer head! I’m just doing my job as your first to look after you, is all.”

You smiled at his quick response. It was so like him, to pretend not to care. Not that it actually worked though, you could always feel him watching after your back and protecting you when you needed him most. Mammon reached over to help you sit up in bed, his touch was a lot more gentle than you were used to. Like he was afraid of breaking you.

“Does it hurt anywhere?” He asked as he sat back down, his hands reaching for yours. You didn’t stop him from grabbing onto them. It was rather comforting to be held like that.

“I’m fine, it doesn’t hurt. Simeon did a good job at patching me up.” At least, you thought he was the one who had healed you.

Mammon didn’t deny it, neither did he confirm it. Instead, he muttered, “You wouldn’t have needed patching up if I had done better at protecting you.”

“Hey,” you raised your hand to stroke his cheek. He turned his face away slightly, not wanting to meet your gaze. “It’s not your fault for what happened. I don’t blame you, I went there on my own accord.”

“And why did you?”

You froze at the question. Why did you do that?

Because you wanted to help, just like always. You wanted to help Belphie have a chance to talk to Lucifer, you wanted Beel to get his brother back, you wanted everyone to get along so that you wouldn’t have to be on edge, worried about setting anyone off. You just wanted to be helpful, right? _Well if you hadn’t been so helpful, you wouldn’t have been in this predicament. So much for being helpful,_ that small voice yapped in your head. 

“No, it’s ok you don’t have to answer. I’m sorry for asking, Belphie told us everything,” Mammon apologised, removing his hands from yours to bury his face in them. “Diavolo told us that you’re Lilith’s descendant. Lucifer… didn’t disagree.”

When you didn’t respond, Mammon asked, “Did you know about it?”

You shook your head. “No. I just… had a feeling that that would be the case.”

The two sat in silence for a while, unable to look at each other and unable to say anything. You didn’t want to ruin the atmosphere by saying anything, and Mammon didn’t want to ask you anything you didn’t want to answer.

“You know, Belphie wanted to apologise to you and talk to you the moment you wake up. I said no,” Mammon finally said, lifting his head to catch your eye. Your eyes remained fixed on your hands, fiddling with the edge of the blanket. “You’re not mad, right? I didn’t think you would want to see him after that.”

“No that’s fine. If he comes to see me, I won’t stop him though.” The words came tumbling out your mouth before you could even think about it. “If he comes to apologise… I’ll just accept it.”

“But why?” Mammon stood up from the chair, looking noticeably annoyed. “After what he did to ya, aren’t ya mad?!”

Your hand subconsciously flew to your neck, scratching at the gauze covering it. Were you mad after what he did to you that night? You squeezed your eyes shut as images of what happened then resurfaced in your mind.

“I don’t know.”

Mammon sank back in his chair in defeat. “If I were you, I wouldn’t forgive that bastard. No way.”

“But that would be unfortunately inconvenient, right? We’re all living together in the same house after all. I don’t have a way to avoid him completely.”

“... Right.”

-

A few days after you had woken from your recovery-induced slumber, you were finally well enough to get out of bed and move around the house to do things like lounging in the common room with Mammon and Levi or taking part in meals with the rest. During this time, there wasn’t any way to avoid Belphie. Sure, he was always in his room sleeping, but mealtimes required necessary attendance for all. No one had filled you in on details of what happened after you passed out (you hadn’t asked either), save for the little bit that Mammon did bother to tell you about. You didn’t know if they had set any conditions for Belphie to stay around or if Diavolo and Lucifer had just let him off like that. In any case, it seemed like things had gone back to normal.

Mealtimes with Belphie were awkward, to say the least. You sat in a rotation around the table, sitting beside a different brother each day. Most of the time, you were fine. Conversation went round the table like usual, each person sharing anecdotes of their day, or bickering (mostly from Mammon and Levi). You tried your best to be engaged with them, but most of the time you chose to remain silent, reacting only with small gestures or facial expressions. You tried to get used to Belphie’s voice again by trying to act as normal as you could, but it proved to get increasingly difficult each time. Before, you used to find his voice to be similar to that of soothing comfort. While it still had the same soothing undertones to it, you still couldn’t forget how that same voice could sound so twisted with contempt.

Belphie apologised to you that day. You were in the room that he shared with Beel, helping Beel out with his workout like you usually would. The two of you had just finished when Belphie walked in and made eye contact with you. Although most of your bandages had been removed, the ones on your neck included, you could still a faint pressure clamping around your neck. On reflex, your hand reached up to scratch at it, your eyes widening at Belphie’s presence. Whether it was remnants of feeling from having the bandage surrounding your neck for so long, or whether it was a memory you were desperately trying to suppress, you didn’t like it.

Beel watched as you two made eye contact and quietly excused himself from the room, exchanging glances with Belphie. He turned to look at you as he left the room, but you were busy looking at the floor, hand scratching at your neck, your other hand curled into a tight fist. He hoped that things would turn out ok for both of you.

You were seated on the edge of Beel’s bed, facing Belphie’s, so he walked over to his own and sat down to face you. You both sat there in silence for a while, the only sound audible was the slight creak of the bed when Belphie shifted and the sound of your nails scratching your skin. The silence was stifling, and you found yourself struggling to think of something to say. Why should you be the one to initiate the conversation first? You didn’t do anything wrong.

No, you wanted an excuse to leave.

“I want to apologise for what I did. I—”

 _“I didn’t mean it. I would never hurt you again,”_ was what he wanted to say.

“What I did was wrong and I crossed a line. I shouldn’t have done that. I’m sorry.”

You bit your lip, fingers still scratching at your neck. The pressure on your neck had yet to fade.

Seeing no response from you, Belphie added, “I didn’t know about Lilith, about what happened to her. I would never have hurt you then.”

Ah. There it was.

“I forgive you. It’s fine, I understand. You don’t have to explain yourself,” you answered before he could add anything else. You spent the many days it took to recover to think about what had happened between you two. You fully understood what happened.

For a brief moment, your eyes met as you tried to see Belphie’s reaction. Was that relief in his eyes? You paused scratching your neck to dig your nails into the back of your neck, taking in a long, deep breath. Belphie was still staring at you, looking as if he had more that he wanted to say. He didn’t say anything else.

“I’ll take my leave now. I promised Mammon I would look for him when I was done here,” you lied, your hand growing numb as Belphie continued to lock eyes with you.

Belphie reached his hand out to touch you but stopped himself when he realised that your line of sight had drifted from his eyes to his hand. Your left fist was still clenched.

“Oh, right. I’m glad I got to talk to you today. I’ll see you around then.”

“... See you.”

He watched as your back disappeared behind the door, before sinking back into the bed. He hoped that was enough for him to start making amends, but that was just wishful thinking. He knew deep down that a simple apology wouldn’t be enough to help with the hurt he had caused you. Not by a far shot, but it was worth trying.

In the hallway, you contemplated going to find Mammon. There was no way Belphie didn’t know you were lying (he was a demon, you’d expect him to have seen and heard enough lies by now), but he had let you go anyway. _What could he have done, asked you to stay?_ Knowing Mammon, he was probably in his room trying to cook up a new money-making scheme or was out trying to find the best way to earn a quick buck. You so desperately wanted to have him beside you, but the small voice in your head nagged against it. You didn’t want to inconvenience him. (Your mere presence in the house had brought them all enough trouble as it was.) _You can’t always depend on Mammon, you know._

You closed the door to your room behind you, taking in the drawn curtains, just like it usually was. It was dark enough in the Devildom as it was, but you still tended to keep the curtains drawn, a habit you had brought with you from the human realm. You slid to the floor, back against the door. You unfurled your clenched fist, realising that you had kept it that way since Belphie entered the room before, all the way back to your room. 

A line of red crescents decorated across your palm.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I tried really hard to try to put myself in MC's shoes and I hope that this seemed natural enough T^T
> 
> Talk to me on [ twitter!](https://twitter.com/ritsukaas) I don't bite~


End file.
